13 Things Nobody Tells You About Being Knocked Up

 

From the moment you pee on a stick, there are so many things nobody tells you about having a baby and what comes with it. Here are 13 things nobody warned me about...

1)It doesn’t matter what stick you buy. If you’re pregnant, it will tell you. 

I told my husband we needed a pregnancy test as soon as my boobs started popping out of my bikini from being so swollen. You see the commercials and the pink box in the aisle conveniently next to the condoms, but you never think about which one you have to get. In the end, it truly doesn't matter. 

 

2)Bleeding gums is a symptom. 

 

After being pregnant for a couple of months, the symptoms started flooding in. But, I didn’t know they were symptoms until I googled them. 
I didn’t just brush my teeth or cut myself with a corn chip. They would just bleed, and so would my nose. I asked my midwife about it, and she said that I was producing blood for two now, so that it was normal. Randomly bleeding out of your nose and your mouth is normal, so don’t panic. 

 

3)Cravings isn’t always a thing, but food aversions are VERY real. 

 

If I smelled or saw pulled pork or bacon, I would throw up. If you know me well, you know that bacon is one of my favorites and I used to love a good, bbq sauce covered pulled pork sandwich. I can have bacon again, but I will gag in your face if I smell pulled pork. 

 

4)You produce so much saliva. 

 

It was the unattractive kind too. I would gleek(sp?) every time I spoke, and would wake up to a completely soaked pillow in the morning. It was gross, and completely unneccesary, but it happened. 

 

5)Morning sickness is all day, every day. 

 

Some women are blessed with these easy pregnancies, and other women are not. I was not blessed. I was so sick, that I would throw up on the daily. I threw up so hard one day, that I herniated a disc in my lower back causing painful sciatica. It was so painful, that if I walked, I would cause a swelling that would send shooting pains down my butt through my legs if I sat down. I would have to lay in child’s pose(google that if you’ve never been in a yoga class) and just sit there until it went away. 

 

6)They make pregnancy underwear, but you can’t find it anywhere. 

 

7)You don’t sleep. 

 

You are so uncomfortable all the time. You are also not in a good head-space, so if anyone says “it’s just to prepare you for when you have the baby”, walk away as calmly as possible so you don’t physically harm them. 

 

8)Placenta is not the sack around the baby. 

 

Your placenta is an actual organ that grows your baby and is hooked to your umbilical chord. You will also have a second labor and give birth to the placenta after you just went through hell pushing out a little human. It’s also really gross, and yes, some people will eat it and encapsulate it. Before you freak out, we are the only mammal that doesn’t normally eat the afterbirth. It’s a process of life, and some people choose to do it, some don’t. However, before you judge it, realize that it’s REALLY good for you. I didn’t choose to encapsulate it because I googled a picture, and associated it with pulled pork and bacon. 

 

9)Nobody can truly prepare you for the pain. 

 

I chose to have a home birth, which means “drug-free”, so I felt EVERYTHING. Contractions are indescribable, but when women say they feel superhuman afterwards, it’s because you are and you will be. Completely superhuman. Just have your man constantly tell you that you’re not going to die and it’s almost over and believe him. 

 

10)Buy a box of panty liners for the last month of pregnancy. Thank me later. 

 

11)Buy a pack of depends. 

 

Once you give birth, everything that was in must come out in addition to your baby. For up to 6 weeks, you’ll just have a really bad period and pads won’t do the trick. If you have any left, you’ll use them for your first shark week post-baby/post breastfeeding. It’s like an episode of Dexter for that first week. Keep in mind, you haven’t had a period for almost a year, so your body just decides to be a disaster just one more time while it has the chance. 

 

12)Invest in a squirt bottle. 

 

Your first pee after a natural birth is painful(natural, meaning not a c-section). My midwife handed me a squirt bottle of warm water and told me to take it in the bathroom with me. She said to squeeze it on my bits to soothe the sting that was about to take place, and I’m so glad she did. 

 

13)Be with the man of your dreams. 

 

After you push a human out of your lady bits, you will be exhausted. I was unable to truly move without pain for a few weeks after, and my husband was my rock. He kept the house clean, got me food and water, walked me to the bathroom, and tucked me in. He sees another side of you that nobody else will see(as I’m walking around in depends and an oversized t-shirt), and loves you anyways. 

 

 

Do not be scared to ask questions, but don’t set an expectation for yourself. Everybody’s pregnancy and birth is different, so do not have a standard of WebMD or the latest Lamaze class. Your body was created to do this, and you will complete this task!